Expect Delays...Road Work Ahead!

Well, it's summer in Idaho!  If you doubt it...just get out on the highway.  Road construction is everywhere!
Last weekend I took my daughter and son-in-law down to Salt Lake so they could take a plane home to Illinois.  Sad trip home as I thought of all the time I didn't spend with them because of the life changes for all of us.  I just couldn't seem to connect with anyone over the 4th of July week.
Then just before the border I saw a flashing sign I had never before seen...well at least in the order I saw it.  It said "Expect Delays...Road Work Ahead".  When I saw it I began to cry. (I do that at a drop of a hat lately... so annoying)  Anyway, I seemed to feel it was an answer to a very heart felt fasting prayer.
I have felt lately like I took two steps forward and 1500 back.  I can't even really pin point what is wrong most of the time.  It's just this feeling that I am never going to truly be alright.  Things have changed, and I am physically doing everything asked of me.  But spiritually I am struggling...big time!
I have, since the day Jack left, struggled to be hopeful, to the disappointment of many of my family and friends.  I struggle to go to the Temple alone.  I struggle to think of myself as capable or of any worth to anyone, especially God.  I know I believe in him...but I have come to not believe Him.  How can he make everything okay for me and my children?  I don't have much hope in my family being an eternal one.  And the thought of not having my kids and theirs for eternity racks my soul with such pain.
So I prayed for an answer to what is wrong with me the past few months.  And the sign "just" showed up in the order it did.  If I hadn't sped up to get around a semi truck I would have seen it the other way for sure.
My life is the road work.  And the construction crew is definitely taking it's time.  You know red cones for miles with no work to be seen.  All the equipment is in place, but no work...no movement toward a new road.  I am told to read my scriptures (cliche, but true) to find the answers.  Problem is that for years now I have only seen condemnation from those pages. I'm sure it's because of my laziness but I just feel like I am never going to get where I need to be....BUT I HAVEN'T GIVEN UP.  I still see myself as God's and have given myself to him weekly if not more.
So how to begin the road construction.  I DON'T know what I want to build or where I want to build it.  I just know I don't want this road anymore.  Something has to change!!!.
Delays are inevitable when construction begins.  There are detours and slower speeds to accommodate all the mess everywhere.  But without those delays, progress could not be had for anyone.  So I will keep traveling the road in hopes that some day I will figure things out and build a great road for me and future generations. I want to travel the road together.  I know that some of it may be "one lane ahead" though.  I know that much of the road will be that way for my benefit somehow.  I just hope it's not to many miles before other lanes are added.

For now I will try to hear Him and the message he sent before the flood of tears.  I will learn to expect delays...I just hope God can build roads even if it's raining!